When all else fails....

I'm not always patient. I do my best to be kind, but I have my days. Everyone has their moments of envy right? Ok, I will admit it: I can be rude. I know sometimes I am selfish and easily angered. I do pride myself in the ability to forgive and let go however. I never delight in things that are no good and truth is always something I live by. Protection is important to me, I struggle with trust but can do it. Hope is something I have been doing my whole life. And perseverance? ...well it seems to be my middle name.

With all that being said, I say this: Love is a daily learning experience.

From the moment we are born, we are taught many things by those around us. Mentors, teachers, pastors, friends, ect. Our experiences throughout life also help fashion these lessons. Somethings will come really easy to come of us, and some things will be more of a challenge. But, if you pay attention, take notes, and allow yourself to learn, one day....you will get it.

Throughout my life, love has been a lesson that people who walk this earth have not taught me well. But I have not learned well either. From the moment I was born, it was a struggle. A mother who adored me, yet a father who had more important things to attend to. That lesson being broken as a child is a hard thing to recover from. And as I grew up, dealing with heart break of relationship and friendship.

Broken promises hurt. Period.

For a while, I stopped believing that love existed. I believed that people in this world were incapable of being honest. And the subject of actually keeping your word? Yeah right.

Until one day.

It was all in the little things. A walk at my favorite time of day. In my favorite place. Doing one of my favorite things: Just talking. It was nothing extravagant, nothing fancy. I wore a pair of dirty Nike shoes and sweat pants. Wasn't looking my best, but none the less, that moment existed. With a confession and with a promise. It was the first time I could sense someone's ability to be genuine and intentional. It is and may always be one of my favorite memories I have locked away in my heart.

That person, no matter how many times I would try to explain, will never understand the importance of that day.

And in that moment, I saw love in a new way.

I saw love in Action.

That is when I realized how powerful love is. It has the ability to change everything, in just one moment, when used properly.  And when you put love into action, it is a beautiful thing.

When anyone wants something, they work for it. It is the moment that the choose to stop working for it, that things change. Perseverance. They will do everything they can to get it. Often times, their actions will always speak louder than their words. However, it is not just about the chase of the dream. Its about living the dream. And love in action plays an even bigger role one in the relationship, or friendship, or dream job, or whatever. LIVE OUT YOUR LOVE FOR IT.

And in the moment, when you feel you have no fight left, or something else  distracts your eye, or you get bored...go back to the first moment and remember why it is we wanted this thing, whatever it was, so bad in the first place.

People are flawed, but love is not. One thing I have learned in myself is that I often take one of these aspects of love (patience, perseverance, hope, ect...) and focus in on it, but leave the others to the way side. People are flawed, but love is not. I have never claimed to be perfect, in fact, I will tell you from the beginning, that I am flawed. However, when I love, it is with EVERYTHING that I am. It may not always be perfect, sometimes it may be just plain disaster, but eventually, I will always figure it out. And as I grow, I am learning to allow all of these things to flow together. And put them all into action. It wont always be accepted, there will be moments when it will not be recognized, and there will be times that I just want to down right quit in this life.

But I wont.

Quitting is a character flaw we see WAY to often in this life. (but that is another blog for another time.)

So what am I saying? I am saying that I am realizing that it is ok to learn, and to shape, and to grow on a daily basis. I am shutting down the lie that this is just something we should "get" or "understand" by now. Do you LOVE the person that cut you off on the freeway this morning? exactly. We are a people of constant motion and with that constant motion we will learn.

And as you love with action, you will begin to recognize genuine love in return, by action.

I love everything about the imperfect me. I know there are things that need to change, things that can change, and I hold on to the hope that things WILL change. But that journey I am on does not rob me of my ability to give everything I am and LOVE.

It really isn't that complicated. Its the little things. The moments when you have to get over yourself for someone else. When you can see through others eyes. When you can set aside petty things and keep on going. And the moment you can't do that..well...its time to have a serious conversation with yourself about who you have become.

It is a look INWARD, and a change OUTWARD.

Love isn't dead. Its just waiting for us to act.

Old Man Shoes

Old Man Shoes. 

You know the ones that I'm talking about. Thick soled, velcro, and made strictly for comfort, not fashion. The kind of shoes that you would not be caught dead in unless you are over the age of 65 or have medical conditions and they are just plain needed. They are made only for comfort and support, not to finish your outfit for the night. We tell ourselves growing up that we would "never be caught dead" in them. 

However, inevitably, the day comes at some point where we realize the true form of these beauties become a reality and we come to understand that we have been wrong all these years. Often times we realize that years of our "know it all" mindset of fashion vs. comfort abuse on our feet has led us to the very day of wearing those "old man shoes". 

And all of the sudden, just like that...life is better. We are not in pain. We are finally doing what is right for our body. And the worlds view of "what is right" has fallen to the way side. 

We are where we need to be. 

Older. Wiser. and rightfully comfortable in our "old man shoes". 

Sometimes I feel that this is how we, how I, treat my worth. 

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." -Psalms 139:13-16

That's a pretty bold statement of truth about what we are worth. 

We get comfortable, but we get comfortable in fashion rather than favor. We so often allow the vision of who we are and what we are worth to be clouded either by our own misconceptions of God and ourselves or we allow other peoples decisions affect the decisions we make. 

I was fathers translates to unhealthy relationships.

Friendship drama translates to unkindness. 

Growing up poor translates to needing material things in life. 

Unhealthy relationship translates to bad choices and mistrust. 

Bullying translates to self image issues. 

...and the list goes on. 

We allow our mind to be shaped by circumstances rather than truth, and so we begin our journey of completely forgetting our worth. We put on the things that "look good" on the outside and make us feel good about ourselves. We rely on those things to tell us who we are and we go years and year trying to convince ourselves that we are "alright" or "happy". But really, we are sick and dying inside. 

Sometimes we live that way until our broken and worn souls realize what it really needs. 

Old Man Shoes. 

You see, you and I were made for those "old man shoes" from day one. Where true comfort is found in the foundation that helps support, shape, and mold us to walk strong, steady, and straight. 

The Lord. My old man shoes. 

To come to the place where we understand that our real worth is found in him alone. Where it doesn't matter what people think about you or how good you look. Where money doesn't matter and you realize that there will never be a love like this in the world. 

Where the things of the world fade away and the only thing that remains is you. 

And YOU are enough. 

That is true worth. 

A friend posted this recently on Facebook and it has challenged me to understand that things that speak love are things worth allowing to shape my worth. 

"Love. We cannot live unaffected by it. We are most alive when we find it, most devastated when we lose it, most inhumane when we give up on it. We are told it is elusive, that it evades us, that it is conditional. We are told it can be found in lust and meaningless sex but those over and over again just leave us wanting. And so we come to the conclusion that love is inane and mythological. That it is just the sum total of our biological make up. Yet it still remains, in our gut...in our souls...A craving."

WOW! I have some wise friends! (Thanks Mitch!)

The more I have read this over the last week or so, the more and more I have realized that love and worth go hand in hand. I believe that we allow our worth to be found in the things and people we love. Or that we think love us. 

Read this again, replacing the word "love" with "worth". 

"Worth. We cannot live unaffected by it. We are most alive when we find it, most devastated when we lose it, most inhumane when we give up on it. We are told it is elusive, that it evades us, that it is conditional. We are told it can be found in lust and meaningless sex but those over and over again just leave us wanting. And so we come to the conclusion that worth is inane and mythological. That it is just the sum total of our biological make up. Yet it still remains, in our gut...in our souls...A craving."

Again. Wow. 

It is true. We crave love. We crave worth. And we allow one to shape the other. What/who we love will shape our worth. And how we view our worth will drive what/who/and how we love. 

if what you put your worth in held a mirror in front of you...would it judge you and demand change? or would it love you into your true potential. 

If we fully understood what we are worth in the eyes of God, the potential we would live out and the happiness we would experience would truly be beyond what we would ever be able to think or imagine. 

We would live better, be better, and love better. 

WE would be enough. 

Reflect on the things/people in your life. And consider the impact they have or have had. 

Are they worth your worth?

Are they old man shoes?