Moments to Experience

You know those moments. Those moments that all the world knows about? Those moments that are not just something you can hear about....but you have to experience yourself?

Like...

The way your heart is in your stomach on the first drop of a roller coaster. The silence in a room when a baby enters the world and then you hear them cry. That amazingly awkward silence right before your first kiss with someone. And the sweet sorrow of silence when someone leaves this world, but you know they are going home to be with the Lord.

That is what the presence of the Lord is for me. One of those moments. One of those moment you really can't describe with all the worlds in the world, but it experienced.

I love the Lord and I love His presence.

Because I love Him. I want to honor him. And when he asks me for something, I want to say yes.

This week I gave something very important to him. I have been serving as a Veritas youth leader at North East Assembly for the last 5 years. The most amazing 5 years of my life. Being a youth leader has been a true gift of the Lord. It is work, but the kind of work that you are honored you get to do. For the last 5 years I have walked next to some of the most INCREDIBLE youth of Fresno. I have sat at alters with broken young people. I have been apart of some of the most amazing joys of their lives. And I have watched the fire of the Lord ignite in the hearts of guys and gals that are willing to allow it to happen. As much as I feel that I was there to teach them and lead them. They taught me. They taught me about faith and they taught me about love. I have never loved anything like I loved being there with them. So when the Lord starting asking me to step away for a new season I was very concerned. But Lord what about this? And what about that? ...Like he isn't on top of it! hahaha How much Grace does he have for this prideful heart! I love my Jesus. From the moment he starting calling me....to this last wednesday when I stepped into obedience....he was there. Teaching me. Assuring me. Leading me. And now....in the sorrow of departure. He is holding me.

My last night there I told me youth this: "So many years ago, when I told the Lord he could have my life, I was agreeing to say what he wanted me to say, do what he wanted me to do, and go where he wanted me to go." ...and I mean every word. And I am reminding myself of that even tonight.

My five years there served a purpose. God used me to things I may not even know about. But I know that if I had not fulfilled my purpose...he would not have called me away. :) I trust him in that.

At the end of the night, every student there surrounded me....they passed around a microphone...and THEY prayed over ME! To me...that speaks volumes of what my time there meant. God....if that had been my legacy, that when I leave, they would know what it was to pray...let it be. If it had been that they know how to read your word, let it be. If there was ONE person who chose to follow you....then 5 years was worth it.

I love you Veritas. You will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart.


But what now Lord?

This question has been racking my brain for the last week. I have never been good with the unknown. But I know, when I said he could have my life...I was choosing to trust him. The last two years have been the hardest two years of my life. With a lot of hard LIFE things going on. Family, health, the loss of a dear friend. And each with such intricate story and detail. But I have found that I am broken and he desires to restore me.

I feel like I am in a season of life that is like the song "The heart of worship" where it says, "When the music fades, and all is stripped away...and I simply come." I feel like God is doing that....stripping everything away, just for me to come to him as I am.

I am craving him in a new way. Like a young girl craves the attention of her Father. I just want to be with him. In his arms.

This morning in worship God told me this, "You can live at this alter as long as you need to. I will be here."

I feel like this season is going to be one that proves His love for me. His will for me. And His passion for my life.

And although I don't know what is to come...I can hear him sing the words of this song:

"Come away with me, Come away with me
It's never too late, it's not too late
It's not too late for you

I have a plan for you
I have a plan for you
It's gonna be wild
It's gonna be great
It's gonna be full of me

Open up your heart and let me in"