As years went by and I grew older, suddenly, this didn't seem like something that would ever happen! Beyond that, how long would I have to wait? Was it worth the wait? Getting married felt like something that I had to make happen. So I dated.
I dated ALL the wrong guys.
In the midst of dating, knowing full well I was dating people I shouldn't be, I dreamed up my wedding every time. The dress. The ceremony. My bridesmaids. The colors. Anything you can think of, except one thing.
I never dreamed of the groom.
The images I dreamed up in my mind never included any of the men I had been dating, There was just never a groom!! Most likely because my heart knew these were fleeting relationships, however, kind of an important detail to be missing, don't you think?
That continued, date after date, until Brady.
I can remember when I first met Brady seven and a half years ago. We liked the same things, he was so easy to talk to, super cute, and my heart was instantly fond of him. I can very distinctly remember, after only knowing him for a couple of months, the Lord spoke very clearly to me.
"He will be your husband."
It was so clear in my heart, but not in my head. How often is it that our heads get in front of our hearts? Had I trusted God, it would have saved me from so much heartache. I can't count the endless hours I spent with friends, mentors, and alters crying and begging for "my turn". My heart desired God's will so badly, but my life did not reflect my hearts desires.
Instead, I chose not to wait for something that was worth waiting for. And my heart was broken every time.
Fast forward 7 years later and I find myself living that promise from so long ago. The right timing had come along and I found myself dating Brady. Was this even real? Was the things I had dreamed about for so long really happening?!
Dreaming again....
But this time it was different. This time, my dreams included a groom. Not any groom, but Brady. The one the Lord had planned all along. That wasn't even the part that was different though. The difference was, that I was no longer dreaming about a wedding. I realized that I had spent all of these years dreaming about my perfect wedding day. DAY.
But with Brady, I dream of marriage. The wedding is just a bonus in this journey.
I was no longer in a rush for this "day" to happen. I cherished every ounce of our "dating relationship" and didn't want to miss a moment of it. The Lord again spoke to me and asked me to be patient.
He had been faithful, so I could be patient. For that, I am so thankful.
Although, never having been married before, I realized that this season of dating Brady would be the only season like it we would get. Although being married means we get forever together, each season to come would look different and we would never get the one before, back. I didn't want my past habits of obsessing over a wedding day to ruin this exciting time. Ultimately, this season of dating Brady, was preparing us for the marriage, not the wedding. This was the season that we get to dote over each other, we get to DATE, we get to figure out how to communicate, we get to miscommunicate, and we get to figure each other out. This season is the foundation of our forever and had I allowed old habits to die hard, I would have completely missed allowing the Lord to lay the foundation of forever. What was the rush?
Now, don't get me wrong. I still dream of being a bride and my special day. More than that though, I dream of being a wife. Of knowing how to speak to my husband with respect and honoring him with everything I am. Learning how to follow him in the good and the bad. Knowing how to SPEAK to him, not fight with him. Experiencing a genuine love crafted by my creator, for me. I don't want to be so excited about being a BRIDE, that I miss the growth of this season that will make me a WIFE.
The wedding is just a day, the marriage is forever.
THAT is why there was never a groom in any of the past dreams. Because my heart only desired the day, not the life.
As I sit here and type this, I do so with an engagement ring on my finger. God's promise, from so many years ago, fulfilled. Brady will be my husband and I his wife. And this is a new season, a step above dating, that I will cherish every day of. I won't miss the lessons its hold or the growth that awaits me. I will allow the Lord to prepare my heart and pray he prepares his. And when that day comes, that I walk down the isle as a bride, I walk into a season of FOREVER that could have ONLY been formed and fashioned in this season of patience.
Brady was worth the wait. And whoever you will marry someday is worth the wait.
Wait for something worth waiting for.
Hold tight, dreams do come true. Don't waste your forever on impatience. The gift is to great to open early.
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